Saturday, January 28, 2006

Faux pas come in three

Newlyweds: Seasons 2 & 3: Disc 2 (2004) Yeah, my opinion of Nick keeps getting better.

My Friday was loaded with faux pas. It started out rather normal. I got my customary QT drink, snapped a picture of stupid advertising (to be shown later), and went to work. At 10:00, my friend A called to tell me that after being a week overdue, 20 hours of labor and a finally C-section, baby Aidan Barclay was finally here. Naturally, I wanted to see him right away. A said that I could visit around noon. I hop out on the 2nd floor in search of Room 2102. Ah-ha! I knock on the slightly ajar door and as I stuck my head in I said "Congrats, Mommy!" As soon as I opened the door, I knew I had the wrong room. Crap, A's not black. I apologized and remembered her room. Social blunder #1 of the day. I visited for about 45 minutes and left to pick up lunch to take back to the office.

Pei Wei across the intersection was the site of social blunder #2. At the counter, I ordered a blazing noodle. After I paid, I remembered that the menu said choice of white or brown rice. So, I asked the cashier "did you put that I wanted white rice on there?" She spoke slowly for me, "Umm...you ordered a blazing noodle. That has noodles on it, not rice." Doh! Idiot feeling #2 for the day. Luckily, she shrugged it off and I said "oops, it's Friday. I'm lose all sense of time and space."

Back at the ranch (apartment), I needed to get my cardio in before 7:00 because a friend and me were going out to eat. I don't generally visit my apartment gym as early as 5:30 pm, so seeing a new (to me) person in there didn't shock me. David was extremely chatty, upbeat, and had completely gray hair. Since he was gray (my guess is that David is between the ages of 38-42) I didn't think it was a particularly bad thing to reply to his questions/chat with him because most men that age are either married, attached, not interested in a 25 year old. I wasn't sensing any "I want you" vibes. David and I discussed what he did for a living, how he just moved back from Dallas, etc. The whole time I was thinking, "Man, if he says anything like 'I need a date' I am SO going to mention my co-worker to him." After 30 minutes and some workout routine discussion (what we do in the gym, how often, how we hate a particular machine in the gym, etc), David got off the treadmill and headed over to the weight area. I had mentioned to him that I wasn't as crafty as I thought I should be in the weight/strength arena but that I hoped Push would change some of that for me. After doing a few sets, David walked directly next to me (I'm still on the treadmill) and started talking. He ended his 30 seconds of talking with "Well, if you ever want to learn how to lift weights, just let me know." I quickly replied, "Naw, I think I've got it on my own, but thanks." It was at that moment two things occured:

A) I realized that his former statement was probably just code for "please allow me to fondle you on the weight machines" and he probably talked to me to lead me up to something conniving all along,

B) my right foot caught on the side of the treadmill belt and I went flying off the back of the treadmill, landing on my ass.

I guess I showed him how much I have everything under control. Social blunder #3.

My friend and I ate at Famous Dave's. Many people have told me that this place was good, but I couldn't convince Doug to go with me because "Dave" isn't a good BBQ-making name apparently. It was super yummy. Sorry, babe, you're wrong on this one. On the way to our table, the waiter told us his name...except I'm deaf and he was facing away from me. I thought he said his name was "50 Cent." It was Zach. Man, I really need to get my hearing checked.

Despite having a many pairs of nail clippers in my apartment, I have managed to lose them all. Or maybe Shelby likes shiny objects and has a secret stash of nail clippers and other sparkling things I've lost. Friend and I went to Walgreens where we spent the better part of an hour. It was her idea to browse the condom aisle. After a fair amount of raised eyebrows and cocked heads (no pun intended), we decided one thing: crotch additives used to make a tingling sensation sounds like a painful idea.

4 comments:

Giselle said...

Hahaha. That was a fun post. :D

I like that you misspelled faux in the title on purpose.

Amanda Z said...

Good reads.

I wish it was Friday again. :(

BKDotCom said...

Well, this could have been you

Rachel said...

I actually didn't mean to misspell the title. I'm really bad at self-edit, especially when it comes to spehlin.

Yes, BK, that could have been me! Luckily, the only thing I've caused damage to was my parents' "garage." It was when I was 16 or 17. I backed into their new garage-turned-bedroom with my grandma's truck. The truck had a metal pole sticking out of the end. Thing is...they kept a faux (see, goes with the title) garage door on the front of the house so taht no one else would know it wasn't a garage anymore. I was lucky that I didn't back all the way through the wall.

They now have wood on the front of the garage-turned-bedroom-turned-family-room.

Other than that, I think that's all of the damage I've caused.