Monday, April 23, 2007

Disturbing Conversations

Now that we're in the final stretch, I can finally share some of the more interesting and awkward conversations I've had over the course of the last four months.

Married Woman A: So how many times over the last two years have you written Rachel Eliabeth Reynolds just for practice?

Me: [looking up to the ceiling with my trademark cutting eyes and eyebrow upturned] Uhh...exactly once. It was on Friday when I filled out the little box on the marriage license that says "name to be known as."

Married Woman A: What? Didn't you daydream about getting married to him? What is wrong with you?
Me: So, yeah, it's get married, write thank you notes and get the apartmet in order for 19 days, honeymoon, and then boom! Doug is gone for most of the summer [continuing work on his Master's Degree at OU in Norman].

Married Woman B: Gone? For the entire summer?

Me: Well, I'll see him most weekends.

Married Woman B: Oh, I just don't think I could never do that. Aren't you afraid Doug is going to find another woman and cheat on you?

Me: I...[abrupt stop when the full weight of what she just said hits me] trust Doug and he has gone away for the past two years during the summers. Do you not tru...well, nevermind. No, it just won't be a problem.
Married Woman C: I'm aware of the fact that you like to wear T-shirts and things that look like Cuddl Duds to sleep. But for your wedding night and honeymoon you probably want to get something different. Now honey, all men like lace...

(I'm really sad that I apparently come off as incredibly stupid to everyone.)
Married Woman D: So after you get married, he's still going to go to school?

Me: Of course, he's nearly done with his degree now.

Married Woman D: Oh, I just figured you'd make him stop school to be with you.

(She obviously doesn't know me at all!)
* This one left me utterly speechless:

Married Woman E (who is under the age of 50): Now, I didn't have anyone around me to tell me certain things about getting married, so I feel like I should share something very important with you.

Me: [a hesitated] O..k... [oh grrrreat]

Married woman E: Now, there's this stuff called birth control pills that keep you from having a baby until you want to...


Maggie said...

I'd never heard of cuddleduds before. They look AWESOME

Rachel said...

Umm...I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not, but I totally learned about Cuddl Duds from YOU in like middle school.

Amanda said...

People say the weirdest shit.

Maggie said...

1) Not being sarcastic--totally awesome.

2) I really don't think I've ever heard of cuddleduds before.

aziegler said...

I can't remember if I ever asked you-- where are you guys going on your honeymoon?

Rachel said...

Honeymoon is the last week of May. We will fly into San Jose, drive to Bakersfield (where he grew up) spend the night, drive up PCH via San Simeon (Hearst Castle) to Monterey, then spend 2-3 nights in San Francisco.