Saturday, August 20, 2005


Without a Paddle = 6/10. It has some hot lesbian action in it. If you're into that sort of thing.

Have I ever mentioned that I'm not a bar person? I think last night was the 5th time in my entire life that I had been to a bar. Well, I can't really count the bar across from work where my co-worker and me go once a month to grab a burger.

My friend Rhonda has begged me to go out with her for about a year now. This was the first time she convinced me. Her friend, T.J. Mcfarland (neat, The Life of David Gale is on my "to-see" list-I must now move it higher on my queue) was in from California and was playing at Boston's. The plan was supposed to be Michelle and me meet Rhonda there. What really happened was Michelle wanted her on-again beater boyfriend Cori to come, too. So, over we go to Cori's apartment. I was going to be in control of when we left the bar, so I drove. That and the fact that I didn't trust either one of them to not get sloshed. When Michelle got out of her car at Cori's, her Yorkie named Pip ran over to me. I hadn't seen Pip in a year, so I was hoping he would still remember me. He greeted me by peeing on my shoes/toes. That should have been my clue right there to go back home and watch more movies. I hadn't seen beater Cori since March when the three of us went out with BK. So I got to greet Cori with me hopping on one foot headed directly to the bathroom. And you know me, I have to bring my camera along to make fun of people. Like this guy:

Apparently I missed the issue of InStyle where this was deemed fashionable. I know the next stuff is socially acceptable, but it still really bothers me to see bra straps galore. Even at a bar. Click picture for details. (Update: The guy in this picture, Philip Zoellner, found out about this post and sent me an email. Read details here.)

It's like...ducks in a row.

So, we're sitting at the bar and a 7-foot tall guy keeps eyeing me. Marvelous. This might be my virginal getting-hit-on-at-a-bar experience. After about 30 minutes, 7-foot and his really ugly friend with a hick accent walk up to the bar and order drinks. It was not my plan to sit in front of the cash register. I shoudda thought about that beforehand when other seats were available. 7-foot and Hick start talking to me and making fun of me for drinking Dr. Pepper instead of alcohol. Off to a wonderful start, boys. Hick asks me what I do. I say accounting clerk, but all he hears is accounting. "Well, that explains why you're so uptight." Maybe. It does not explain why you're standing such that your drink is dripping on me, though. 7-foot finally musters up the nerve to talk to me. What came out of his mouth was pure Hollywood magic:

"So, ya know how we only use 10% of our brains? Well, I think we use only 10% of our hearts."

Me: Oh. My. God. Are you serious? I can't even believe you just said that. That was in Hitch.

7-foot: No, it wasn't. It was in The Wedding Crashers.

Me: was in a movie.

There you go, folks. That's how you get Rachel to visibly roll her eyes. It was at that time that Dave (friend of Rhonda) found us a table. So, my first experience of being hit on at a bar was quite memorable. Thanks 7-foot and Hick. I'll never forget...wait. Yes, I will. Unless I go back and read this again.

More pics (someone really needs to teach me how to photoshop):

Shelly, shelly, shelly. You deserve much better. What I have in mind is someone with a job, someone who won't hit you, someone who isn't stoned or drunk all of the time. Granted, he is fairly intelligent. But still...

See! We don't even know this Dave guy and look how much happier you already are. Dave has a job. A pretty neat job, actually. He's currently filming, hosting, and writing episodes of Inside Outdoors. His stuff will start airing October 2006. Not that I'm any kind of fan of outdoor stuff. It really beats Cori's snake selling, Shelly.

Three sexy, single* chicks for your viewing pleasure:

L t R: Rhonda, Michelle, me

*Single as in not married. We all have boyfriends. Mine is the only one that treats me well, though.

1 comment:

Amanda Z said...

I think that one girl is so dark brown that even a beige bra would show through her extremely sheer nightgown of a dress. Better choice here would have been a white tank top that would have blended in as part of the dress. I shudder to think how her underwear looked through this dress.

The middle girl is pulling a major no-no, but I can't decide if I hate that or those stupid see-through bra straps more. It's like "HI, I CAN STILL SEE THAT. Oh, you thought you were pulling one over on us, eh? No, you just look like you've got Scotch tape holding your bra up." In her case, I recommend a tank top with built in bra. IF she's large-chested, then a strapless bra is the answer here, unless she is like me and can't wear one without the top of it flipping over. If this is the case, and those thick straps under her tank are actually holding up some massive melons, all is forgiven and leave her be. Trust me, there's no solving that one.

Last girl's top is an enigma to me, but if that's a bra peeking out, I'm pretty sure it would be a LOT less noticable were it a BLACK BRA. You know, to blend it with the BLACK TOP in case it peeked out.