Friday, August 05, 2005

Shudder, quiver, DRENCH!

Million Dollar Baby = 6.25/10. Apparently I'm the only person in the world who didn't just ADORE this movie. Granted, the acting was great! But I think a whole hour could have been cut out. Sooo slooow. Most of it was pretty boring and the ending/storyline was very cliché. I was completely blown away by how strong those women were, though. Just wow on that part! The real boxers are rather androgenous.

Someone who wishes to remain anonymous sent me an email asking "why haven't you filled out the '100 Things About Me' like everyone else in their blogs?" Well, 1) I'm not everyone else. 2) I probably would have had I known this existed because I really am like everyone else. 3) I tried doing on a search on a blank copy for this and didn't find one. I didn't spend too much time looking, though. Does the fact I didn't readily find one mean there isn't a fill in the blank version and I'm just supposed to tell 100 random fact about me? Because if that's the case, that sucks. And the person that wrote this email knows me well enough to know 100 things about me. Anyone wanna find me a blank one? BK? AZ? MF?

When I was 17 or so, I had the goal of reading a smut romance novel. Just because I never had, that's why. "But Rachel," you ask, "aren't the chick lit books you commonly read simply a trashy romance novel in disguise?" No, it is NOT! T.R.N. will have multiple sex scenes in it and a really uncomplicated, usually stupid, plot. Chick lit usually involves a chick going through some issues and conquering them in the end. Chick lit might have a sex scene or two in it, but they are nothing to make you regret you were in public when you read it. So, at the age of 21, I bought my first T.R.N., but am just got around to reading it in May. Before my first date with Doug, actually. It's this book. I mean, HELLO, Kelly Ripa even promoted it. Come to think of it, that's why I bought it in the first place. I thought, "If she's promoting the book, it must be nothing more than a T.R.N. Another difference between a T.R.N. and chick lit is that T.R.N. is very poorly written. Shallow plot aside, the words shutter, quiver, drench, thigh, desire, nibble, cool, and moan are used in darn near every paragraph. Instead of the intended effect of arousing me, the sex scenes just made me laugh. In smut novels, "made me laugh" would translate to, "convulsed pleasurably." Just not that kind of pleasure. My favorite laughable phrase from The Bachelor: soft feminine mound. Hah!

I have no idea what to do with this book now. 90% of the time the place I read this book was at my apartment gym. Since the A/C doesn't work in the gym, I got desperate on more than one occasion after my shirt had already become drenched and umm...wiped my face on the book. Paper is quite absorbing. Yes, I am fully aware of how disgusting this is. I guess I'll either throw the book away or put it in the garage sale pile at my 'rent's house. Then some other unsuspecting person can pay 5 cents for a Rachel DNA-encrusted book. Just not the "good" kind of DNA. Ick!

Also of note: it took me three months to read this book. Apparently not even "exciting" words like the ones listed above interest me enough to fly through a book.

Next read after Doug's How to Build a Time Machine : Magical Thinking, both decidedly neither T.R.N. or chick lit.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

You might want to donate your TRN book to the public library. No one would see you, just drop it in the SALE cart or table. Someone may pay up to $1 for it!!!!

Rachel said...

See...that's the thing. I would feel like a bad person knowing that I donated a book that was gross. Besides, I more than donate to my public library with all of the fines I pay. Even though I constantly check my account online, I still have return time issues.

Amanda Z said...

The 100 things about me just made me think of those surveys where you erase the answers of the person before you and put your own. You know, like people send around in emails? But instead of forwarding it to all your friends, you post it in your blog.
I've posted them in my LJ before but lord knows when and that's a lot of entrieds to sift through... oh wait, there's one on my myspace!!!
Here, hopefully this will work: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=17376998&blogID=32578364&Mytoken=20050805145701

I once read a T.R.N. on accident. The cover made me think it was Chick Lit but alas, it was not.

kelly said...

Ever read Janet Evanovich? You may like it!

ET said...

Someone sent me one of those 100 things surveys and I put them in my spam folder. They ask questions like "what did you have for breakfast this morning" and "diamonds or pearls?" Unless you are planning to come over, make breakfast for me, and give me some jewelry, I am wasting both of our time(s) filling this crap out and sending it back to you. I mean, who CARES?

As for TRN, I own one...and that is only because if you trace my lineage I am related to a king who is mentioned in the book. That aside, the books are complete garbage.

Oh, and I can't even bring myself to watch Million Dollar Baby. It looks bording. But I love Clint Eastwood.