Friday, July 07, 2006

Tales from Chicago I (I ran that for nothing, didn't I?)

Failure to Launch (2006) = 7/10. Oh, come on! You had to know this is the cheese of movie I enjoy. It's right up my genre alley. I could have gone my entire life without seeing Terry Bradshaw's nekkid body, though. And no, it's not just for 2 seconds. It's more like 15.

Grey's Anatomy: Season 1: Disc 2 (2005).
Grey's Anatomy: Season 1: Disc 1 (2005). I like, NOT love, the series. Which is typical for me since everyone else in America seems to love this series. I'll tell you what I do love, though, is Ellen Pompeo's voice. It has a very innocent, yet sultry quality to it.

I'm not sure if the situation was actually ironic or if it just plain sucked:

Because sometimes my mind works like that of an 80-year-old, the second most important thing for me to do while vacationing in Chicago was to take some type of sightseeing tour. Before I left for Chicago, I spent a few hours at work (when my work was complete, of course) looking for various tours in the Chicago area. Then, I stumbled upon the Chicago Architecture Foundation's website. For a nerd like me, this was fantastic. They must have 50 separate tours on there that all look ubernerdycool! Alright.

Fast forward to June 27th.

Scene: Dad + brothers + moi are making a "dry run" on Chicago Transit Authoriy's trains from Chicago-Midway airport to Wrigley Field. I convince the brothers to take a tour with me.

Time: 14:37

Next tour: Historic Skyscraper at 15:00, must arrive 10 minute early to purchase tickets (so says the website)

The next tour after 15:00 begins at 17:30 and doesn't interest me quite as much as the Historic Skyscrapers tour. (It's the Millennium Park Revealed tour in case you care.) Obviously there is a huge incentive for us to make it to the ticket office at or before precisely 14:50.

As we're on the train, I miscalculate that we need to hop off at the Roosevelt exit and the Archicenter would be just about a block away. See map here. Dad begins walking north (he has no interest in taking a tour). The Harden brood begin walking SOUTH on Michigan for a few blocks before the eldest (that's me) realizes we're walking not only in the wrong direction but now we're 1.2 miles away from where we need to be. In 12 minutes.

Me: GeoffJosh, you think you two can jog some of the way so we can make it there on time? Because with all these street lights, even if we walk at a fast pace, we totally won't make it there in 12 minutes.

Both: We can try.

Yes, I realize I could have been chic and hailed a cab. But I'm cheap. And frankly, I'm not 100% sure how to hail a cab. Yes, even after watching every episode of Sex and the City.

14:49. We arrive at the Archicenter. I'm sweating PROFUSELY even though we probably only ran ½ a mile. It's really hot inside and I'm completely embarrassed purchasing tickets as I'm practically dripping on the counter. But we made it. The cashier tells me that the tour will be leaving in a few moments and we're to watch for docents in a specified area. Joshua lends me his rubberband of a bracelet to pull back my sweaty hair. I lead the brothers outside where it's slightly cooler and in my head I sing a little diddy:

"Oh, HELL yeah/we made it/we got the good tour/all the jogging & cardio do pay off sometimes/oh yeah, too cool.....uh-huh"

Then the ironic/crappy part:

[still singing my ditty] "Uh-huh, oh yeah, uh-huh....[dad casually strolls past us]...oh...yeah...what...huh...WHAT THE #*@&. You mean to tell me we would have made it with enough time even without the jogging. That sucks gigantic ASS!"

Apparently, someone did not read The Tortoise and the Hare to me enough as a child.

I enjoyed the tour despite the fact that it rained for a majority of the two hours. And we were walking. I didn't think about umbrellas.

To top it all off, the tour was split into two groups. My group had 4 people in it and the other group had about 7 peope in it. Everyone in the other group was at least 30 years old. My brothers are 14 and 15. Yet some halfwit put my brothers with the docent whose native language is ITALIAN. She knows English and I understood her fine, but my brothers only understood about 65% of her words. Furthermore, I took a class in either high school or college that explained the very basic terms of architecture and some style influences (e.g., cornice, frieze, Neo-classical, Art Deco, pilaster). I'm sure they had no clue. Which is sad because now they'll never be able to trust me on a tour again.

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