Sunday, May 15, 2005

The blood, the transvestite, and the devil dog

Weirdest weekend ever! Maybe not ever, but in the top 10. Friday I went out with D. and that night when we got back I noticed some red stuff on the 1st floor leaking from one of the garages. Didn't think much about it. We were watching MTV at like 1:30 and this commercial came on. I think it was trying to advertise ring tones. It had these two turtles dancing around and the male turtle had what was supposed to be a tail but since they were dancing on just hind feet it looked more like his penis. And then he jumps on the girl. I'm going to have to watch MTV again to see what that was all about. I missed ½ of it because I was talking to D. so I'm not sure if it was a major mistake in editing or if it was meant to be random penis placement.

Then Saturday I went to the mall to pick up some makeup. Since when have we had an Oakley and Steve Madden store? And how did I not notice these two stores when I went to pick up the gift certificates for the office? And what went away to make way for those stores? Stupid Aveda girl gave me the wrong color of base so now I have to go back. So, I probably ended up looking ghost-like when D., Michelle, Sean, and me went to see A Lot Like Love. Good chick movie that guys might enjoy because you get to see Amanda Peet's ass. And Ashton Kutcher's. It was a 6.75/10 for me--the movie, not the asses. Then we went to Starbucks and tried to talk for a while but conversation wasn't at all flowing. D. & I left and went back to my place. When I took Shelby out to tinkle, the pool of red stuff that I saw Friday had grown exponentially. It really looks like blood at this point. Here's what I saw (if you click on the pictures it's easier to see the redness):

After D. left I decided to check out what it was before I called the cops to tell them there was a murder or something. I went down to take pictures to send Dad. I noticed that Frankie (woman that lives below me) was still awake so I knocked on her door to make sure she was ok and not bleeding and rotting in her garage. Or the bird that got caught behind her bathtub. Turns out, her deep freezer died and she had just butchered a huge pig. Yummy cleanup.

Sunday from 8:30-12:00 I volunteered the V.O.A. garage sale and saw my very first transvestite. Pre-op, I think. Shim was running the funnel cake stand that I had no money for. I really wanted a funnel cake though. Maybe I should start keeping cash on me. Anyway, one of the other volunteers looked really familiar to me. He started talking to someone else and said his name was Brandon and he's a senior at Mannford. Wait!!! You're my boss's SON! How weird! I had only seen a picture on my boss's credenza, though. So, at this garage sale, I acquired for free a devil dog costume that doesn't fit Shelby at all, but she looks sort of cute in it.


LT said...

Her freezer had died and she had just butchered a huge pig? Don't you live in an apartment? Is this a home business for her? Isn't the pig excuse the same one Dahmer used? I believe you're taking this a little too well. JK. Not paying attention to the TV when he was there, huh? Bomp chick-a-boom, bomp.

I have a person with my middle name and last name who is married to a person with the same first name as a girl I used to date. Many times I've gotten collection notices and police inquiries concerning him misdirected to me. Other than that, I have many relations who are mixed up on drugs, etc. But not one with my last name, that I know of and that one can find on the net or in the paper. Knock on wood.

ET said...

Okay, I know LT already said this, but SHE BUTCHERED A PIG? Who butchers a pig? And who in an apartment HAS a deep freeze? I think that's just damn weird. And if I ever see blood coming out from under someone's wall, I will definitely be concerned. Pig or no pig.

Shelby looks cute in her new hat. She certainly seems to take "dressing up" well.

Rachel said...

Stop with the corny porn music already! We were actually discussing something, can't remember what, but there was definitely NO porn music playing in the background.

And she has an attached garage and has a TON of stuff in her apartment because she's recently divorced. Apparently One of these items includes a freezer. Who butchers a whole pig? I dunno, but it's common to butcher a whole cow and deep freeze it, so it's not too far off for a whole pig in my mind.

ET said...

...Or an ex-husband, and pretend it was a pig.