Saturday, September 10, 2005

The Avi Safari

This week's most uncomfortable moment brought to me by Safari's Interactive Animal Sanctuary:

I took the mentee to Safari's, a place that rescues exotic animals from idiots. No, it's not ok to raise a bear in your backyard. One of the tigers they had rescued had first been given to a girl for her 4th birthday. Whatever happened to little girls wanting ponies? The last time I had been to this place was back in high school for some science class, I think. (Help me out here Maggie and Amanda). For the first half of the tour, we were with a group of about 6 other people. The second half it was just the two tour guides, the mentee, and me because the other six had been to that part before joined the tour group. We walk in front of one set of lions and one of the tour guides (who looked to be 17 or so) said, "We have to watch out for this one because he can shoot his load up to twenty feet."

As I was thinkng, "Did she just say...", the mentee, "Miss Rachel, what's shoot load mean?"

I say nothing immediately because I am in compelte and utter shock. Half a second later, the same tour guide said, "his cum."


At this point, the mentee still looks confused and I know she wasn't going to let this one slide by, so I put on my best serious voice and said the first thing that came to mind.

"It's umm... like... umm... his man juice."

This seemed to suffice.

I finally got to see my friend A. who's 6 months preggers now. She looks really cute. She also told me that I looked very slender. sweet. But it was just because I was wearing a form-fitting tank.

I saw Avi at the library last night, had a book signed, and took a stupid picture:

He wouldn't look up for anyone. I guess I can understand that. If you have 200 flashes go off in your eyes, I bet it would be hard to sign books. But if I had known that he wasn't going to look up, I wouldn't have bent down like that. Bah!


Amanda Z said...

That's lame, doesn't he know that getting flashes in your eyes is part of your job for getting money from the mass public?
You should have gotten the camera person to scream "OH MY GOD, LOOK AT THAT!!!!"
And then he would have to look up. You'd probably have a picture of him looking terrified but that might be more amusing than a picture of him looking down at a book.

Rachel said...

With the camera person being my dad, who was forced by my mommy to go to this event in the first place, I doubt I could have convinced him to do it once. Let alone 4 total times for my mom and brothers.

Nice idea, though!

ET said...

Although I am probably the LAST person to be able to lecture anyone on the appropriateness of language, I shudder to think of the comments made in front of your mentee by the idiot guide. I hope that you reported her to the staff, particularly if they do regular events involving children (and I think that they do). YIKES!

Oh, and exactly HOW did she know, anyway? Hmmmmmm...

ET said...

Oh, and I agree with Amanda. The dude should have looked up. If he doesn't want to deal with fans, tell him to quit doing book signings. People stand in line for hours at those things, the least he could manage is a smile and general politeness.

Rachel said...

Let's not go there with the "how did she know the lion could spray 20 feet" bit. Ick!

And the thing is Avi was in town to receive an award that has a $7500 cash amount attached to it. It wasn't like a book release thing. He's 69 years old, too.