Sunday, November 27, 2005

The Panty Scandal

Identity = 7/10. I am so proud! I watched this scary movie all by myself. Forget the fact that I watched it at double speed so the suspense wouldn't kill me. Good movie, even at double speed.

For those of you unaware, my boyfriend Doug is an assistant band director at a public school.

I am on the Victoria's Secret mailing list because once every few months they mail out a coupon for a free panty. I've even mentioned the panty thing once. Today Doug and I decided to get some dreaded Christmas shopping out of the way. This seemed the perfect opportunity to get my free Angels lace panty from Victoria's Secret. We would LITERALLY go inside, find the panty, checkout, and leave. No browsing around the rows of teddies and tangas. Get in, get out, get on with life. I do this mainly because I know the marketing trick: give them something free and more than likely they'll stay around and purchase something else. Not me!

We're in the store and I'm deciding between white, black, and nude-colored free panties. Doug isn't touching me in any form or fashion. It's at this time a woman (with a child between the ages of 7-10 in tow) says to Doug "Hey. My daughter's in your band class."

Doug: Oh, ok [Doug has NO clue whose parent this is].

Woman: Well, I won't tell her I saw you in here. It might ruin the image she has of you.


Don't get me wrong, I know all about teachers having to be moral pillars of society, blah blah blah. But this woman is obvously alluding to the fact that she thinks Doug is in there to pick something for me to parade around in. Which, sorry to disappoint your Doug/Rachel fantasies, hasn't/doesn't happened. Heck, I don't even own a single piece of non-functional lingerie.

EVEN if he was in there to pick out something for me to wear, what image are we destroying here? The fact he has a girlfriend that *gasp* wears underwear? The fact that he has a penis? The fact that he's human?

I could almost understand her saying something rude and judgmental like that had I been carting around their crotchless panty & bra set or pearl thongs (you'll see a bare butt if you click on that) because I can't see a non-sexual use for either item. (Yes, I saw the pearl thong episode of Sex & the City, too). But free panties? Puh-leeze.

So, if Doug's not allowed to shop in Victoria's Secret, are there other places he can no longer shop because they sell, among other things, items that lend themselves to make blanket generalities about the buyer? Can he shop at Dillard's? They have a lingerie section with some pretty sexy teddies, ya know. Can he shop at Brookstone? After all, they sell a personal massager that I guarantee you 99% of the time is not used to "relieve knotted muscles" (I even think there was a SATC episode about this, too). How about if he's seen in Motherhood? Is he automatically a daddy-to-be? If he's in a children's clothing store, that must mean he either has a child or is a child molester, right?

All of this leads me to believe if this woman was that quick to judge Doug and me on the reasons for our shopping...there's always the possibility she was in there trying to find something to parade around in for her boyfriend/husband. With her daugher in tow. And that's just all shades of wrong.


Giselle said...

It is odd that she would say that. I mean, if it had been a strip club or something I could maybe see her point, but it was just a store. Either way, would she have expected Doug to say that he won't tell her daughter he saw her in there either? He should've. :)

ET said...

Okay. After a weekend of having to deal with neurotic sister and her significant other childish issues, I am a bit jaded. So here are my two takes on the commentary:

1. She was kidding around, perhaps embarassed at being seen in Victoria's Secret (which I still assert is NOT secret at all) herself; OR

2. She thinks Doug is a cross dresser. I like this option the best.

The items she was picking out were FOR her daughter, who is secretly seducing her father. Sorry, too much L&O.

Kudos for using the word "penis" in your blog. The SATC episode involved Samantha and a massager from Sharper Image, so cross that off the list, too. = )

BKDotCom said...

Theory #2:
Maybe the band girl thinks Doug is gay? Mom wouldn't want to "ruin" that image?

Rachel said...

BK, I like your theory. Except there's one problem: Doug has very few behaviors that are effeminate in nature. And if there are rumors going around school that he's gay or gay-acting, I'm pretty sure that my brothers would have told me before my first date with Doug.

Amanda Z said...

What did Doug say to her, that's my question.

I think that comment would have been more appropriate if you guys were in Fredericks of Hollywood or something, not Vicky's.

Rachel said...

Amanda Z, my memory is foggy because we were both in shock, but what I think happened was Doug gave a 1/2 smile and quietly said, "oh ok." We then walked off.

And Victoria's Secret is a lot more raunchy than they used to be, I think. The comment would have been out of place even in a Frederick's of Hollywood. Had we been in a sex shop, porn shop, or swingers club, the comment would have been completely appropriate.