Monday, February 13, 2006

Your V-day will be better than hers!

Waiting... (2005) = 4/10. It had no real plot and most of the humor was childish, but Doug and I laughed all the way through.

Saving Face (2004) = 7/10. I don't think I would take it as well as this daughter did if my mom got pregnant now.

The Truth About Charlie (2002) = 6/10. This is about all the action and plot twists I can take. I liked it, though. The Netflix version of this movies includes the original movie Charade on the flip side. It's like a two-for-one deal.

Junebug (2005) = 8/10. That family is an amalgam of every redneck family I have ever met. Except the dad didn't seem too bad. Johnny SO does not deserve Ashley, even if she is a little on the perpetually happy and slightly stupid side.

I spent the weekend in recluse mode, leaving only to go to Walgreens/Blockbuster/fast food with Doug on Friday and another Blockbuster run on Sunday. Hacking cough, fever, and body aches were to blame for my hermit-like behavoir. Due to my weekend and preceeding busy week, I certainly had to get myself to the apartment gym tonight. Even if I am only back up to 85% "feel normal" capacity and hacking up my spleen, surely a S-L-O-W (3.0 mph) walk on the treadmill while reading my seemingly neverending book wouldn't hurt. All dressed up in my workout clothes, hand literally on the door handle, when...


It's "Bernadette" calling me. Crying.

B: Rachel, I need your advice. You know how we had to celebrate Valentine's a day early because "Peter" (her boyfriend of a year) is going on a business trip?

Me: Uh-huh.

B: Well, I gave Peter the option of either going out to a really nice dinner or staying in and having sex. I even bought body paint.

Me: [already feeling totally inadequate to offer any advice regardless of the direction this conversation could be heading] Sounds...messy?

B: He chose going out to dinner. [I look at my clock; it's 19:00. Must have been a really early dinner] And then after dinner he said he just wanted to go back to his house to rest up for his flight tomorrow. That's really bad, isn't it?

Me: [Hmm...given that they've been on the rocks for quite some time, I'd say it's a definite bad thing. Then again, in the only picture I saw of Peter, he looked a And I don't have gaydar. Ok,'s your job to try and think of a reason why this guy would turn down sex and leave immediately after dinner. Think, THINK. Hmm...well, what scenarios could YOU be in and prefer no one was around?] Maybe Peter...has diarrhea. Like on that episode of Sex and the City. [Diarrhea? That's the very best you could offer up your friend? Really, that's pathetic.]

B: I had never thought of that. You know, that would make sense.

Me: [What??? You are going to feel like a complete ass when B calls you and tells you that Peter broke up with her when you led her to believe he had simply ate too many Flamin' Hot Cheetos or bad chicken.] See...could be.

B: I knew you could make me feel better about it.

We talked for about 5 more minutes. I'm not sure I've ever wished bad things upon another person before, but just this once, please please please....Peter had better be runny.


BKDotCom said...

umm... he had to get on a plane to spend valentine's day with his wife??


Rachel said...

If that were the case, his wife would only see him twice a year because he takes business trips about that often. Not so obvious.

BKDotCom said...

Well, if Bernadette needs some lovin', send her my way. :)

Rachel said...

Hmmm...publicly admitting you're a man-whore, huh?

Unfortunately (for your member), she lives 500 miles from here.

giselle said...

Aww I hope Peter had the runs too.

I get to work today/tonight.. but I guess you're right, that is better than thinking my boyfriend doesn't like me.