Friday, July 21, 2006

A Lacy Clown Evening

Proof (2005) = 6/10. Jake Gyllenhaal was so nice in this movie.

She's the Man (2006) = 6/10. I've always liked Amanda Bynes. Tobias from Arrested Development was on here, too. And he was funny.

Madea's Family Reunion (2006) = 4/10. I love Blair Underwood, even when he's playing the bad guy. Wasn't that the most ostentatious wedding you've ever seen? I mean, come on, live people dressed as angels hanging from the ceiling. Very cool. Silly. Cool.

Even though my friend Meghan bailed on me tonight (zero hard feelings), I still managed to drag myself to the the mall. First up, Victoria's Secret. I mention this because as I was shopping there, I stumbled across their newish line of exercise clothes. No matter what material or color you make workout clothes, they're never going to be as sexy as something lacy or silky. I think it's bad for their image. Besides, I already have a ton of other places to purchase lycra and spandex items should I want them. Anyway, after leaving VS deflated from the lack of finding something cute, I decided to go to Dillard's. It is there that I remember my concealer was running dangerously low. And since I have been using the same brand of concealer since high school, I made the decision to try something new: MAC. I seriously was under the impression that I was going to be able to have her put concealer on me, purchase it, and go about my merry way. Sitting in the chair, my heavily armored with facial color saleswoman says to me, "You can't possibly want me to just put concealer on you, right? I can make you look really sexy for your Friday night out."

My Friday night out? Ha! My plans for my free evenings are nearly always the same: read, workout, watch movies, play with the dog. But, what the heck?

"Sure. That sounds great."

Fifteen minutes later, I look in the mirror to find myself looking quite the slut bongwalla. And where in the mall should a slut bongwalla-looking face venture next? Frederick's of Hollywood, of course.

If you've ever went clothes shopping with me, you'll know I have a nasty habit of finding one abundantly ridiculous item to try on. Then, I laugh at myself in the fitting room. And such was the case this evening.

Drive back to the apartment. As I pull into a parking space, I notice there is a guy sitting in his truck two spaces over talking on his cell. Though I've never seen him before, I can only assume he lives in my building. I grab my bags and on my way up the sidewalk, the guys calls out to me "Hey, I saw you at the mall."


How am I supposed to respond to that? I gave a big toothy grin tempered with just enough "shut the hell up" in it and walked away.

What would make a person say that to someone else? Let's see:

A) It's some form of a lame pickup/conversation-starter line. If that's the case, it's an awful one. An awful one that would probably make women talk. This option isn't looking so good, though, because he was on his cell. And I have to assume that most men trying to pick a woman up would probably let the person on the phone go.

B) This is this guy's "thing." Kinda like how I like to say someone "got died" instead of passed away, etc. OK, really it's my dad does that and I'm just following in his footsteps. I wonder if he would have said "I saw you at Target" had I carried in a Target bag.

C) He actually saw and remembered me at the mall. I was wearing a very visable hot pink shirt. Perhaps he even saw and remembered me carrying an abundantly ridiculous lingerie item in my hand, wearing whore makeup. And...he might live in my building. And he probably thinks I liked and bought the abundantly ridiculous item. Mortified am I!

One bad habit down, 50,000 to go.

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