Tuesday, July 18, 2006

My Pudgy Puppy

Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest (2006) = 8/10. See...I really can like a movie that the general population likes. I'm very proud of myself!

The New World (2005) = 2/10. More like new world...of suck. I seriously have no idea why this is rated 7.1/10 on IMDB. Actually, I do. It's an art movie and not a story movie.

Brokeback Mountain (2005) = 4/10. I was really bored. I'm glad that this didn't actually win the Academy Award for best movie of the year because the only thing I found to be award-winning in the movie was the score (music--not the man action) and the scenery.

Loosely continuing with my fly birth (or something) story.

You ever had an innate respect for a well-educated person and then heard him or her say something silly and suddenly the idea of respecting their intelligence comes up close to nil? Yup...

Shelby was due for her yearly exam/shots at the beginning of June. I was lucky enough to be able to get a 5:30 (after work) appointment at the vet on Thursday the 13th for Friday the 14th. After swatting flies with the newest issue of Sephora Beauty Insider until well after my allotted morning shower time, I hop in, turn on the water, and then I remembered the vet appointment that afternoon. And much like when I make wellness trips to the doctor myself, I wanted Shelby to have a healthy appearance. And smell. That means she definitely needed a bath. Not a problem. I'll just hop out of the shower, grab the dog, stick her in the shower with me. Yes, like I usually do. Only this time, I forgot to grab her green dog shampoo on the way back to the tub. Not a problem. I'll just use my Dove shampoo this time. Bath done. On with work.

I had two questions for the vet: 1) What are those zit thingies on her belly, and 2) Is Shelby fat?

Unfortunately, my dog that should weigh between 7-8 pounds weighs 10.7 pounds. I guess in human terms she would be morbidly obese. Regardless of the technical term, she needs to lose about 30% of her body weight. Ugh.

The vet talked to me for a bit about how to get her weight down (my thoughts during the are in []):

Vet: "Yeah, she is a bit overweight. [I'm a bad pet owner. Goin' straight to hell.] Luckily, there are some things we can do in this situation. [Uh-huh. Prolly the same things as in humans.] You see, what has happened is her metabolism is a bit sluggish. [It...is? Umm..you sure it doesn't have a whole lot to do with the fact that because I'm a bad pet owner I let her eat a lot of horrible things? Metabolism?]. What we have to do is... [eat less, take her for more walks] ... raise her metabolism. [I...now...say what?] Unfortunately, they don't yet make a pill for dogs that works like they do in humans. [Blink, blink. Last time I checked there was umm...one, make that two pills that worked for humans and the OTC stuff was a waste of money]. So, what we have to do is..."

And, it's at this point that I became glassy-eyed. Of slightly important note, the vet was male and weighed about 60 pounds.

"Ok, let me go get Shelby's bordetella shot and we'll be done." [Oh, back to reality]

It's at this point that the nurse/helper/person who holds the dog while it gets poked looks at me and says, "Oh wow. Shelby's hair feels amazingly soft. Which shampoo do you use on her?"

Option A: Tell nurse the truth. I used Dove shampoo that morning because I didn't want to leave her in the shower while I got out, again, to fetch her shampoo. I'm pretty sure that Dove isn't dog-approved. And I just endured a speech about how to manage my dog's weight. Which already makes me look like an bad pet owner. Hmm...if I tell her the truth, I'll look ever worse.

Option B: Lie. Yeah, that definitely seems like the better option here.

"Umm...it probably feels so soft because I just washed it this morning (truth). I think I use this green kind. I can't remember."

"Well, keep using it because her hair is just so soft."



Anonymous said...

Dove shampoo. Uhmmmm. Doesn't sound too bad.

Long time ago I had to bath my cat as recommended by the vet(only one time). Everything went well until some soap bubbles slip to its nose and the cat breathed them. Then it jumped out of the tub and ran for the front fence. I ran after and as the cat finished crossing the fence I threw myself to the floor and catched her by one of the back legs. Then I was trapped for 5 long minutes, holding an unhappy cat covered in soap and trying to pull it back to my side of the fence. I do deserve pet hell.

Rachel said...

I don't understand why you were bathing your cat with an open door. Or were you outside? If you were outside, then that seems like a silly idea. Of course, running across a tile floor with wet feet is also a silly idea but it hasn't stopped me from doing it a time or two. And falling.

giselle said...

Too bad you didn't like Brokeback. I guess we have different tastes in movies because I thought it was a great love story. I loved it.

I think Dove is fine for dogs. :P Who cares what your crazy vet thinks? :)

Rachel said...

Of course we have different tastes in movies. My tastes are sucky compared to practically everyone else. And I watch a lot of thing the general population has never heard of.

Apparently I care a great deal about looking like a responsible pet owner.