Monday, April 25, 2005


I guess I should stop hinting about what my next posts are going to be because something almost always happens that causes them to be pushed back a few days. So, to Mr. or Ms. Anonymous Can't Eat my sausage croissant person, I promise there's better parts of Fast Food Nation. WERE warned so stop complaining!

I don't understand guys or some women, depending on how you read this conversation that took place Sunday, April 24, on Yahoo Messenger. This stuff happens so frequently I think I'll have to post it everytime. I'm curious if it happens to other women lots of if I have some "talk semi-dirty to me" post-it note on my forehead/online profile. I have had only one previous conversation with this person. The colors were added later for readability and red is something that added by me after the fact for reader clarity:

(16:38:23) warwicktulsa: hey sexy
(16:38:25) warwicktulsa: how are you
(16:38:49) reharden: good good
(16:38:50) reharden: u?
(16:39:00) warwicktulsa: pretty good
(16:39:04) warwicktulsa: you havin fun
(16:39:27) reharden: today's my lazy day, but yeah
(16:39:57) warwicktulsa: are you doing anything
(16:40:26) reharden: about to watch Big Fish
(16:40:55) warwicktulsa: nice
(16:41:04) warwicktulsa: how would you like a nice long massage
(16:45:32) warwicktulsa: ....??
(16:47:17) reharden: Unless you are an R.M.T., I won't be requiring your services thank you very much
(16:55:26) reharden: Can I ask you something?
(16:55:56) reharden: Have you ever asked someone you've talked to only once on the internet to give them a rubdown and they've said yes? I mean, I'm just curious here.
(16:56:08) warwicktulsa: yeah
(16:56:26) reharden: Do please explain
(16:56:36) reharden: I'm just wondering what kind of woman would do that is all
(16:56:59) warwicktulsa: usually lonely or sore
(16:57:14) warwicktulsa: and its only after asking some personal question that they agree
(16:57:47) reharden: Give me an example here. Because I'm pretty sure that when we talked last time nothing personal was mentioned
(16:57:54) reharden: Then again, my memory is fuzzy sometime
(16:58:15) warwicktulsa: i ask a couple and then they do
(16:58:51) reharden: after you ask to rub them? I'm confused here
(16:59:11) warwicktulsa: no that usually comes before
(17:00:09) reharden: let me get this straight: You said "I want to rub you" then she asks one or two personal questions and then you're over them (there) rubbin' away?
(17:00:22) warwicktulsa: yeah
(17:00:47) reharden: That...seems...perfectly reasonable?
(17:00:52) warwicktulsa: lol
(17:00:53) warwicktulsa: yep
(17:01:53) warwicktulsa: i'm pretty good at massages
(17:01:55) reharden: I am constantly sore, but not lonely and I have a sneaking suspicion that a) you couldn't do it how I would want it and b) you'd want something of yours rubbed and if neither one of these two things are true then maybe you're the lonely one?
(17:02:30) warwicktulsa: bored not so much lonely ... and i actually like giving massages
(17:03:20) reharden: Well, I'm amused by this no more. I'm off to watch Big Fish
(17:03:24) reharden: and to blog you

Hmm. I wonder if he knows what blog means because if someone told me that I would totally try to talk them out of it. And let me be clear here so you don't think I'm some vindictive meanie girl. I would never intentionally blast someone I knew on the internet. Or if I did, the name would be changed. Like if I had met this guy even once, I wouldn't blog it. But doesn't it read very similar to this guys conversation? And imagine that...he just stopped talking to me cold. If you're a guy reading this, stop doing this to women. We generally don't find it sexy, just way too upfront and snake-like. And if you're a women reading this, FOR GOD'S SAKE don't let an unknown guy just come over and rub you. It seems like a good way to get raped. I realize he's probably lying and no one has ever actually just said, "Yeah, come on over and RUB ME DOWN." But there's always that possibility. Maybe I might have a different outlook on sensual massages if I'd ever been given one. As it stands, the only massages I've had were from a man in his mid-50s that was a registered massage therapist and an R.N. He would tote his massage chair or table around once a month or so to the school I worked at last year. He would talk during the whole 30-45 minute session. I really just wanted to sit there and veg, though. I was fully clothed. Anyway, these experiences with the older guy have made it very difficult for me to see massage in a sexual way. Now that I think about it...he did always rub my butt cheeks. Is that normal during a massage? I really hope so because if it's not, then my skin will be crawling.


Anonymous said...

for the uninitiated: pictures of "warwicktulsa"

Rachel said...

Oh lookie! An anonymous weenie. Scared if you put your name down the airman might come get you? Or that I'll get upset or something? Seriously people, anonymous commenters really hack me off.

Chris A said...

Tim burton is great I love his movies. Beetlejuice, Batman, Edward Scissorhands, Mars Attacks, Planet of the Apes, and yes even Pee Wees big adventure.

Big Fish made me sad though. And I dont like to be sad. Thats why I stay to the lighter side of Hollywood. BUT, because its Tim burton I watched it.

Ed Bloom (Albert Finney), MAN! I felt so bad for him and just wanted his son to understand him(but i didnt cry). Any movie that can make be believe the characters and be sad too should get an 'A+'!

I have this roommate. Lets call him Jonas(because that is his real name). Jonas will do what the same thing that this guy has done. Its quite sad really. And you would be very surprised at how many women give out there NUMBER then talk to him for a few minutes and give there ADDRESS!

I dont know who to feel bad for. Him? Because he is on the internet throwing around cheesy lines. Her? Because she is on the internet catching cheesy lines.

Now, im not saying that meeting people on line is a bad thing. Though I have never set out to do this, but have been aproched a few times. But, dont you think that you should atleast get to know the person behind the name first?

This is not a hard thing to do. If you read someones rants and raves long enough and ask a few questions along the way. You will learn things about that person. For instance, people who read my rants across the web know that I am an opinionated/class clow kinda guy. Im sure there are a few other things too.

Really I feel bad for both of them. Then again, if all it takes is a few cheesy lines for them. More power to you! ....I think im going to take the other road.

kelly said...

Maybe these people contact you because they take your username wrong. Just a suggestion.

Rachel said...

You make a very valid point, Kelly! I totally forget that my name does sound perverted. Bleh.

Chris said,
"Now, im not saying that meeting people on line is a bad thing. Though I have never set out to do this, but have been aproched a few times. But, dont you think that you should atleast get to know the person behind the name first?"

Yes, that's why God invented court records online so you go and check if they're been in jail before you meet them in person. It's saved me a few times. And then again, being setup on blind dates by friends who should know better has gotten me in trouble before, too. So, I think it's just luck of the draw.

chris a said...

HAHA, court records online. There is an avenue that I have not taken.

The photograph on your yahoo. Very cool, I like the angle of the picture.

And, yeah, Now that I take a second look at the name... it is kind of perverted.

Rachel said...

What can I say? I was 17 when I made my Yahoo name and on that particular day I was naive. It's not enough that my dad's my 4th cousin, I also had to be born with a last name that sounds perverted/attracts people wantin to rub me?

Chris a said...

My name is boring. My last name is Brown. How boring is that? Oddly enough, I get asked the question... "Is it spelled like the color?" No, its spelled like orange. Ofcorse its spelled like the color.

Growing up, when my mom wanted to get my attention she would yell. CHRISTOPHER ADAM!

I use to have the nickname crispy. because on all my papers I would put Chris B. yeah thats lame... haha

ET said...

Chris "Crispy" Orange-Brown,
(Can I call you "CABBIE?") You forgot NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS! How could you do such a thing? There is an astronomy/ physics professor at a local college named Chris Brown. I am guessing that's not you, as I believe you are in Arkansas?

I don't think your yahoo name comes across as deliberately being perverted. And we all know I am a classic in the dirty mind department. They must be reaching! Anyway, YES...I have had this happen to me dozens of times. That's why I generally don't talk to people online. But last year when I was doing Vietnam research I contacted veterans who had "Vietnam Vet" in their profiles to ask some questions (if they were comfortable with that, of course). The one who gave me some answers also flirted horrifically with me AND offered me a massage. I must say, the only guy I ever took up on it was Mark, and that was WAYYYYYY after getting to know him. And we all know how THAT turned out.

Just as an aside, my old pal (not that he is really old, or even my pal) Chris (and not you Chris, another Chris) is graduating in two weeks and moving away, so I guess no blind date there. What IS it with these guys?

I am deeply distressed by the "my father is my fourth cousin" business. I know YOU'RE not in Arkansas!

ET said...


I forgot to you want to come over for a back rub?


chris a said...

Wow, where do I start. Lets work backwards.

First, I am deeply hurt and upset about your comment about Arkansas. And if you believe that then I also will be the first person to go to Mars next summer.

"and not you Chris, another Chris"

If I had a dollar for everytime I hear that... I would have a lot of dollars.

Nope, im not that Chris Brown.

Okay, The Nightmare Before Christmas. It sucked. Yeah, sorry to burst you bubble. ;) Not really much more I can say about that. Well, yes I can. Tim burton cried when they where done with that film.(useless facts im full of them)

If you’ll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you ET
And ET when you call me
You can call me cabbie
Call me cabbie
(yeah I just did Paul Simon)

Cabbie huh?
Anything to make you feel more at home in NY, but im not wearing towel on my head.

Rachel said...

ET, I actually HAD Chris Brown as a professor when I was 20. He was an interesting fellow.

And if you've been paying attention, OUR "Cabbie" is approx. 1/2 the age of the TCC Chris Brown.

And yes, I was BORN in Arkansas (Ft. Smith), my mom's side of the family is from Harrison. And indeed, my dad IS my 4th cousin. I don't mind sharing this so openly because I figure that I've turned out pretty good for the products of getting it on with your 2nd cousin. yum yum

ET said...

"If you’ll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you ET
And ET when you call me
You can call me cabbie
Call me cabbie"
(yeah I just did Paul Simon)

Okay, for some reason this struck me as fucking hilarious (despite the aforementioned negativity toward The Nightmare Before Christmas) and I laughed until I had stomach cramps, and then took a break, came back, and laughed some more. So if you're not in Arkansas, where are you?