Monday, May 09, 2005

The Question of the Century

I knew I wasn't supposed to say I would post the 3 part "he's just not that into you" epic in 3 consecutive days because something ALWAYS happens with me.

Heaven Leigh is a cute baby (pw: Cloud). But still.

See...This is why I try not to discuss the mushy gushy side of myself on here. I'm like 99.9% I didn't even mention my bloggy blog. Initiated fella. I wonder if he'll still find me attractive after the whole blog is digested. heh

Worst movie EVER right here. Even worse than Freddy Got Fingered. I got it from the library MONTHS ago and just now got around to watching it to see how it compared with the 2003 version. It was awful in that unliberated/fake family sort of way.

Some of you will be quite proud of me. On Mother's Day at around 11:45 am Rhonda called and asked if I wanted to go to El Chico. I was sort of still asleep but I said sure because I have NEVER done anything with Rhonda except walk our dogs together on the trail (she has a 12 pound tan min pin named Bo--Shelby's cuter, but Bo sure is friendly). It was raining a lot and sure enough, this huge thunder/lightning thing happened and knocked out the electricity. So, I decided to just wash my face and pull my very oily hair back into a grease-slicked pony and get on with it, puffy face and all. The proud part of the excursion: I actually had an alcoholic beverage at El Chico (peer pressure mainly). Some blue frozen drink. I actually drank it all, too. And then promptly felt icky (or apparently buzzed and I'm not too big on the feeling) and slept for 3 additional hours when I got home after taking a bath. I'm such a party pooper.

I'm not going to go into major details here but I will say that it's really not as bad as you think. Person comes over to apartment and person needs to go tinkle or whatever in the bathroom. Person comes out of bathroom and asks me the question of the century: "Rachel, what was that in your toilet before I went?"

The only thing I could think of was a quick, "Oh God. I have no idea but I'm embarrased now. I'm not even sure I want to discuss this with you, so can we just drop it?" Could person, though? Nope.

Person says, "well, it was yellowish on one side and white on the other and was in the shape of a parallelogram."

Oh GOD!

I don't care what you find in there. It could be solid gold or a new species of bird, do NOT ever ask me that! And if you're scratching your head as to what it is, you obviously have a penis.

14 comments:

chris a said...

huh?

Rachel said...

See how that works: Chris has penis. Chris does not get it.

Chris A said...

Okay, look. I have asked a few females around me what this might be. Only because it bugging the piss out of me. Gross or not, I have to know.

Here is something really funny. One of the girls asked what is a parallelogram. Cute girl, but no one behind the wheel. HAHAHA

chris a said...

And stop looking at my penis!

Rachel said...

Chris, email me and I'll let you in on what it was. We wouldn't want to spoil the fun for others.

Mags said...

i have no penis. and i have no idea. but i am more fascinated by the fact that someone actually said the words "shaped like a parallelogram." was the speaker in question your father? was it a pregnancy test?

Rachel said...

tsk tsk All that education and still no clue, huh? No it was not my father and it was not a pregnancy test. To worry about being pregnant, one must be getting it on. Besides, those are more rectangular. And the words were more like "What's this...sq..rec...no...parralelogram in the toilet"

Mags said...

well, no, i can't say that has ever happened to me. mostly because i don't use flushable tampons. but i CAN say that i am still surprised at this person's choice of words. upon reflection, of course it wasn't your dad who made the comment since he as a math teacher would have actually given the shape and not the category of polygon. a square and a rectangle ARE both TYPES of parallelograms. in fact, saying something is SHAPED like a parallelogram does not actually give you any information other than the fact that it's opposite sides are parallel with opposite angles being equal. that information doesn't really give us the shape--and i seem to recall there being only three kind of parallelograms--squares, rectangles, and rhomboids (called diamonds in our elementary years)--and THOSE are the shapes. your tolilet detective calling something a "sq...rec..no parallelogram" is progressively giving you less information until all you know is the sum of the interior angles of the plane figure.

and "a clue" i may not have, but i would say that none of the readers (those with and without penises) were given enough clues to make an informed guess on the item floating in your toilet. i myself have always found tampon applicators to be cylindrical and do not fault chris a OR his penis for not knowing. i DO fault the nut job who was checking out your toilet's contents, TALKING ABOUT IT afterwards, and describing it using a category of quadrilaterals and not an actual shape. (btw, we should ask your dad if something can be "parallelogram-shaped.")

Rachel said...

Exactly my point. It is not important waht was in there, but the fact that I was asked about it.

ET said...

Okay. First I HAVE to say that this line: "I don't care what you find in there. It could be solid gold or a new species of bird..." is quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever 'seen' you say. Chris still holds the lead for funniest blog comment with his rendition of Paul Simon, however. I don't think anything will ever top that one. I am STILL laughing about it. That being said, I have three (and counting) degrees, one of them doctoral, I have no penis (it's true guys...balls, but no penis), I am good with all manner of shapes (Maggie did a fantastic job in her 'shape' discussion btw) and I have NO idea what was in your toilet. In my case, it would probably be something my cat knocked in, since they cannot RESIST my countertop full of cosmetic items that are fun to bat around, knock down, and chase all over the tile floor.

ET said...

Forgot to say..."Heaven Leigh" looks like a shrunken Polynesian boxer. I'm not sure I even WANT to know how you got the password...

Rachel said...

It is common knowledge that on the baby picture websites the password is the baby's last name. Chalk the whole thing up to boredom at work.

ET said...

Well, call me odd (a lot of people do), but I think that the concept of password protecting a baby's photograph by the use of something as prosaic as its last name is just dumb. Why even bother? Just another thing for the hospital to chalk up on the old final bill. And any password that is "common knowledge" is no longer a password. St. John's needs to consult the laws surrounding trade secrets and make a good faith effort to actually protect their "secret" passwords. Or just post the damn picture without all the password bullshit.

Chris A said...

Paul Simon ROCKS BABY!

I almost forgot about that. I had to go back and see when I wrote that.. err typed? I went back and read it all. And I had good laugh about it again too. Classic.