Friday, May 06, 2005

Who WOULDN'T be that into ME? (1/3)

Credit card fraud/identity theft update: My plastic levels are fully restored. I got my Discover Card on Monday and my check/debit card + other credit card yesterday at my parents' house. Quick and easy. In keeping with looking on the bright side of things, the fraud allowed me to see my credit report from all three credit bureau agencies. That's what happens when you put a fraud alert on your accounts. Discover Card even called me Tuesday to ask if I had received the card because it hadn't been activated yet and then called Wednesday to see if I had made specific charges on the card.
While random blog reading (bored at work; boss was gone), I found what might be the cutest pic ever.
Sometime during my April-December 2004 "anti-dating" stint (hey, I knew I was moving back to Tulsa from Houston in June and was gone literally for ¾ of July on family vacation. So what would be the point of meeting someone then? And ya know, I just didn't want to be with anyone for a bit after that. I dunno.) I was introducted to he's just not that into you by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tucillo. I'm not sure if it was a friend that told me about it, the book review sections of US Weekly or People Magazine, or from reading Jennifer Weiner's (great chick lit author) blog or during an interview with her on Radio Times. I remember putting it on hold at the library in mid-October or so. By then it had been out for a couple of weeks and the media attention he garnered in chick world was high (he was on Oprah...bleh), so I ended up being like #50,000 in queue. I FINALLY got it on Sunday--and devoured it in 2 reading sessions. Yeah, it's a tiny book. It was just so funny! Given the fact that it usually takes me 2 months to get through other books (at least I do read books; many people I know do not), I'd say that means something. That something being that I'm probably "just not that into" the books I've been reading? I've been taking classes? Had a high-stress job? Pick my excuse!

Now, I don't put much stock in self-help books, especially on subjects so controversial (take this, for example). But I'm sure there's at least some semblance of truth buried in much of it. The author was so black and white, though. Male suitor either does or does not like you--no room for grey. That's a huge logical fallacy right there, but I'm willing to overlook that for a bit. For the most part, I had either directly experienced the "excuses" guys use, have a friend that has a dating story filled with mixed signals, or had even umm...used many of these excuses myself.

The chapter that I did not laugh at because it resonated too much with me was "He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Calling You." I'm not an idiot, I just don't want to believe it when it's taking place. Deep down I know though when it's going on, though. Doh! Not that I've been one to sit by the phone and wait for a phone call. Ok, maybe I did when I was 13 a lot, but I'm no longer a teenager and they DO have my cell phone number. And if you don't have my cell number, there's your clue that I'm not into you. Yeah, I know you read this. You know who you are.

There was one chapter, though, of which I had zero concept of understanding: "He's Just Not That Into You if He Only Wants to See You When He's Drunk."

WHA??? You mean this actually happens so often that there needed to be an entire chapter devoted to the subject? And we women fall into this really lame trap? I know what you're thinking, ET, and "he's" was not quite what they meant in this scenario. Besides, ATM would fit under the "H.J.N.T.I.Y. if He's a Selfish Jerk, a Bully, or a Really Big Freak" chapter if we were keeping count. And we are. Since most of my friends (you're my friend, ET! don't even start it again) got married to their 1st-5thboyfriend and at the average age of 20, no one I know (and have discussed these issues with) really has enough history for me to get any kind of grip on how often this drunk thing happens. I guess I need to get over my perceived anti-alcohol thing and get out more.

Once again, I didn't have any major paradigm shifts while reading this book. The book did, however, make me feel tons more positive about damn near any dating situation. I did have one major problem with this book and two things he left out, but we'll save those for tomorrow and the next day...provided something REALLY odd doesn't happen between now and then.


ET said...

Rachel, I don't think ATM falls in to the "only wants to see you if he's drunk" category. I think he just drank generally, but not all the time and I have no idea how drinking and you were correlated, if at all. What I DO think (re what the book is referring to) is that this is either a) the booty call..."I'm drunk, you're still breathing, let's fuck;" or b) the "2 a.m. shit-faced let's call the ex girlfriend and tell her how much we love her and miss her and then really regret it once we've sobered up" call. At least I have heard of such things.

Oh, and so...we're friends, right? JUST KIDDING!

Rachel said...

I should have clarified. The chapter talks about drugs, mainly illegal, in some of the examples.

Mags said...

i haven't read the book, but when you're drunk, most people are either happy or depressed. happy means you'll get along with anyone, see everything as a good idea, including spending time with or sleeping with strangers, exes, and girls/guys you aren't really that into. depressed probably means you're sad or lonely and want to feel good for a while by spending time with or sleeping with someone you normally wouldn't want to spend time with or sleep with such as strangers, exes, or guys/girls who you are not that into. and i think the chapter was probably written for the girls who have some combination of low self-esteem AND desperation. because you can have low self-esteem only. as long as you are not so desperate then you won't hold out for something better. or you can be desperate only and decide to go out with/have sex with a drunk smooth talker as long as you don't have such low self-esteem to lap up his lies. but you can never be both because then you'll make the mistake of thinking that things that are said and done when people are intoxicated with drugs or alchool are the person's real thoughts when those guys should either be avoided altogether or used VERY carefully. but we should all remember to remember that drunk-talk or drunk dates or drunk hook-ups are not for real. and a guy that is into you would be sober more often than he is drunk.

LT said...

I agree with the last post. Without giving too many guy secrets away (like we're smart enough to have them), intoxication doesn't really lower inhibitions; it just lowers analytical thinking and reasoning. If a guy calls you after the bars close and wants to hook up, chances are he's only wanting the hookup. We all know that. But what ET was talking about, the whole "ex-girlfriend" thing, don't fall for this either. In this case "in vino veritas" is bullshit. The guy who calls his ex is NOT finally able, due to his intoxicated state, to tell her how he really feels. What he's really doing is either a)going for the safe booty and using your prior relationship to do it, which is despicable, b)not happy about his current status (girlfriend) because she won't let him get away with the crap you did so he's rebelling, c) didn't get to end your relationship on his terms so is trying to get back with you for a few fondles, then he'll dump you to get the last word in, or d) heard you were with someone else, even for the night, and wants to ruin it. That's it.

BTW, we used to term these type of calls "donkey calls," as in you would wake up the next morning feeling like a jackass if you made one.