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I noticed two other disturbing things about this book. Briefly check out the table of contents.
Now that this book is widely known, it means that a lot of men are exposed. We're now better equipped to recognize the crap they dish out to females. Problem is...I saw myself doing the same exact things as some of the guys in the stories of the book. I've used the same excuses. So, this means I'm exposed as well. Here's some of the crap I've dished out in the past:
1. I don't want to ruin the friendship. I'll know within 10 minutes of meeting you if I like you that way or not. Anything else, and I probably thought you were below my par to date.
2. I just want to take things really slow. Usually code for "Please don't ever try to kiss me because I find you physically repulsive" or "you constantly have some baaaddd donkey breath."
3. I've just been so busy lately.
Guess what? I have always been able to find time to go out with a person I was really into. I will reschedule as much as possible to get to be with you. And if for some odd reason I did actually have a hectic schedule that week/month, this is what it will look/sound like if I really am into you and not lying:
"You know Bob, I do want to go out this weekend! But on Friday from 6:00-9:00 I'm eating with my family, Saturday at 10:00 am I'm meeting a friend, 3:00 pm hair/brow appointment, 6:00 pm mentoring activity, 9:00 movie with girlfriends. Sunday I am going to go to Dallas. Bob, these are things that have been scheduled a long time ago and I would feel awful about rescheduling with my girlfriends. I would change the 3:00 hair/brow appointment but as you can see from my Andy Rooney brows I am in dire need. (I'm a 3-4 haircuts/year person) You can either see me between these specific times, unless you want to go with me when I'm really tired, or we can wait until I can devote more time to you. It's your choice and I'm very sorry. I'm not usually this busy."4. I am just really stressed out and have a lot on my mind. I do have a lot on my mind--Seinfeld episodes, music, my dog--nothing that includes you because I don't like you.
5. I'm just not really much of a phone person. Sometimes this is true but usually it means you're boring on the phone and can't hold your end of the conversation and I can't do all the talking all the time.
6. My social plate is really full right now. ha ha ha ha ha ha! It waxes and wanes but I'm completely in control of how much or how little I want on my plate.
7. I just got out of a relationship and I'm not really sure I'm ready for anything yet. See...this one's tricky because if I did just get out of one, I probably wouldn't even go out with you in the first place because I would still be getting over Mr. X. It's also usually code for, "I think you are really stupid" or "you are WAY below my par"
8. I'm afraid to get hurt emotionally yet again. Could be true sometimes. Like at this point in my life I'm afraid of being in a relationship that I think if going great and then just being dumped at what seems like random. Amanda calls this the sneak attack-I like that name. But...if I really really really like you, I'll get over my fears fast.
9. I just need someone a little more stable in their life path right now. That's my code for "you are a loser and I think you're going to stay that way" or "you are psychopathic" or "you need to get a better job than at McDonald's" or "you have too many money problems."
10. I'm just not really sure what I'm looking for in a guy. Just a flat out lie. I know EXACTLY what I want! That's why when I found one, it sucked that he didn't want me back. sigh. Oh well.
What excuses have YOU used to get out a relationship? The bigger quetsion here is should I continue to make up crap to get out of them or just simply tell the truth, "I'm just not that into you," which honestly might hurt more?
3 comments:
Yeah, either they can't flat out say they're not that into you, or they just haven't admitted to themselves that they are closet homosexuals. Come one people, the 80s are over and Reagan is long gone. It's okay to be gay now!
ET, you know THAT is the WORST thing to say. Your in your twentys. You dress nice, know how to match and your not dating. So SOME PEOPLE just assume that your gay.
UNBELIEVABLE! Just UNBELIEVABLE!
I once told the truth. DID NOT HELP. I said bluntly and honestly. I'm just too picky. You know what that got me. She told people that she thinks im just gay, because why eles wouldnt I want to be with her.
Granted, she was very good looking. Had a job. Little high maintenance. But, she was wet behind the ears. The most gullible person that I have ever seen in my life. And she would(and still does)pawn her little girl off on family in texas because she thinks that she needs her own life too.
When I say im too picky. That dosent mean that im looking for a front page supermodel. Not like that at all. Im not looking for Miss Right Now. Im looking for Miss Right.
A lot of my guy friends are always talking about the ladies. You know, how much they would like to, for lack of a better word "Tag" that chic. Ofcorse, I follow suit with that conversation all the time. But honestly, I dont find myself attracted to those women in anything more then a sexual fashion.
So I dont pursue these ladies that im attracted to in just a sexual fashion. BIG DEAL. That doesnt mean that im gay. I like to think my standards are higher. Im not looking to spread my seed around to every slut in town.
Now, im not saying that im a saint or anything. Or that I have never just had sex with a woman just for the satisfaction. But, when I have. I make it clear from the beginning that I just want this to be a friends with benefits(in most cases).
Friends with benefits. Now this has NEVER worked for me. You see we both establish that we agree to the F.W.B. code. She becomes a good friend, I treat her with just as much respect as I would anyone else. And then she wants more. In the end it never works.
As far as books go on the relastionship subject. I dont read them. Instead I listen to the people that live the relationships not write about them. The elderly have a lot of great things to say. Not just about relationships, but life in general.
And most of these thing we hear all the time. We just choose to ignore them or we think that if we read a book about men/women and if we could just find out how they "work" that we can have a successful relationship. While these book touch on a lot of things. They dont describe everyone or ever situation.
I myself believe that you could be with anyone of any background and any personality. Just as long as you both want to be with each other. Not to make it sound easy, because its not. It takes time. You have to listen to each other. You have to try to understand each other when it comes to arguments. You have to compromise compromise comromise. At the beginning of a relationship these thing are not that hard. But, if you can keep this maintenance of a relationship over a long period of time. That to me is true love.
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Okay, while we are on the subject of self-help books. I want to tell you about a book that I have read over and over again.
My Ex-boss gave me this book one day. I was selling furniture at his store. Sometimes when there was down time we would just talk. And for him being my boss he was really a great guy. Had is head on strait and knew a lot about making money and being happy in life. He would alway look at the bright side of things.
One day I was having a bad day. I couldnt sell wood to a beaver. He pulled me to the side and talk to me about my day. Asked me a few questions and then started to talk to me about how I was in contol of my day and how I could have more control of my life. Then he handed me this book. Its called The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy.
This book is like my bible. When ever I find myself thing negative or thinking bad thoughts and thinking that nothing is working out for me. I read this book.
Oh yeah, one more word on getting out of relationships. I think everyone should just leave it to the one famous line that works for everyone.
Its not you. Its me.
No one gets hurt here. You get out of the relationship by blaming it on yourself and the other person can say ....your damn right its you!
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