Breakups ARE hard, but why discuss it with me?

Some men never learn.

Sunday afternoon I'm on the landline phone with Doug and my cell phone rings. At that moment, nothing could have plowed me from my comfortable environment to answer another phone. Especially since I was on the phone with my VIP. About 30 minutes later, I finally get tired of my cell beeping and go see who called me. It was Mike (a. k. a. Hee Haw Laugh). He left no message. There's no way in the world I was calling him back, but I was curious what as to why he would call. Anytime an ex calls, I figure it's for one of these reasons:

A) A family member has died,
B) He just got married,
C) A baby is on the way,
D) A move to a far away place is soon happening, or
E) A lottery has been won.

So I sent Mike an email saying "Saw you called and left no message. What's going on?" hoping that no one was dead and maybe I would be a millionaire soon (kidding).

Fast forward to today. I'm at work and I hear my cell phone ring. Strange number, but I pick it up because curiosity always gets the best of me and because I did have a dermatology appointment today. Perhaps the doctor's office was calling to change an appointment or something. Nope, it's Mike. He broke up with Jill last week. Gee...I didn't see that one coming at all. Ahem.

I ask him what happened. What he says for the rest of the conversation shouldn't shock me, but does. He broke up with Jill because "he wasn't ready to make that kind of committment." (Even though he IS 27, getting no younger, and definitely no more attractive.) I asked him why he proposed marriage if he wasn't ready. He said, "Well, she kinda pushed me into it." UGH! Listen up, ladies! If a man ever says anything resembling, "I'm just not ready for that kind of a committment," what he really means is "I'm not ready for that kind of a committment with you." That also probably means that he has always had wishy-washy feelings for you, too. And as much as you may love him, do you really want to force someone that into a marriage who only half-ass loves you? You cannot force a man into settling down. Because see...if you are the right one, he will willingly want to get married without proding. (True in 99% of cases, at least.) And if he's not wanting to after a reasonable amount of time, then LEAVE! It's a simple as that. No, really...it IS. I agree that there does come a time where one needs to "do your business or get off the pot" in a relationship, though. I think that timeline is different for everyone. Ultimately, Mike chose to stand up.

But wait, there's more.

After I hear his story, he asks me how my life is. I tell him that it's quite calm and revolves around Doug, movies, dog, family, church, sleep, exercise, and reading.

He says, "Oh, so how is your love life going?"

Me: It's great. [And it is. But even if it weren't going so well, would I really tell an ex that things were less than peachy? Not this one, at least.]

Mike: Oh, reeeeally? [in a voice of disbelief]

Me: Don't be so shocked or anything. What's that about?

Mike: Well, I just know how you can be. [WHAT? How I can be what? What the hell is that supposed to mean? YOU are the one who called me fat all of the time and made me cry. And then whined when I chose not to stay with your sorry ass because we WEREN'T AT ALL COMPATIBLE.]

Me: [deciding not to fall into another mind trap] Alrighty.

Thankfully, the business phone rang and so I told him "IgottagoIgottagoIgottago" and we quickly hung up.

I did a reverse lookup on the strange number he called from. He.was.at.a.school. Presumably doing his final internship before he graduates from college in December. Icky! I SOOO want to send this Jill chick an anonymous email that links to when he called me and asked if he had a chance with me, but that would be mean of me. And I don't believe in doing things anonymously.